Rules
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Rules — Of the Brother, By the Brother, For the Brother
If ever there was a set of rules on how to cope with your elder sister, my brother would come up with the following. We are at wits end with each other all the time and that is no exaggeration. So this dear brother is for you, and as much I bother you and complain and whine, I love you so very much. 
Some of his rules as follows:
1) Why put anything visible like socks, shoes, dvds, gameboys, empty juice bottles, spoons etc in their respective places when they can easily be thrown and fit under any couch/sofa in the living room? Out of sight, out of mind. The lovely sister can and will howl all she wants when she is vacuuming!
2) The correct place to leave the remote is in my bedroom, between the couch seats, in the bathroom, or anywhere BUT my sister’s hands, who will NOT let you watch The Simpsons because they have the word “hell” in it! Does she know that every kid in my school has heard of the word and everyone uses it at their discretion? And NEVER let her get hold of the DVD remote. She will take away the action movies and put in the sappiest romantic movie that will make you swear NEVER to date a girl…they cry, they whine, and they want a bling bling diamond ring in EVERY goddamn movie……women!
3) Secretly listen to your sister’s phone conversations. They come in very handy when you want ANY favour big or small from her. The key is to blackmail her by threatening to tell the parents everything you’ve eavesdropped on!
4) It is perfectly OK to dump garbage in the trash can when there is NO plastic bag inside. Why care about the trash can getting dirty? There’s a reason why it is called the TRASH can.
5) When your sister gets all cooey, and cuddly, and hugsy and kissy..RUN!!!!…..run for your life, because she probably needs you to do some work for her like clean the kitchen, lend her the computer, take that new pen away from you, or put the dishes away from the table. Run…….just run for your life.
6) When driving with your sister in the car, you cannot tune in to your favourite radio station because she will be listening to her collection of sad romantic songs. The repetition of lines played over and over again will have you wanting to bang your head on the dash board. Arguments are futile as you will be met with retorts like “Do you want me to stop the car right now and throw you out?” or “Do you want to go to Blockbuster or not?” Remedy: get your own player with headphones along, or START liking all the songs she listens to.
7)Try this sometime:
Brother: Didi, can I use your laptop?
Didi: No, I am using it right now.
Two seconds later….
Brother: Didi, can I use your laptop?
Didi: I said no.
Ten seconds later…
Brother: Didi, can I use your laptop?
Didi: NOOOOO
Five seconds later..
Brother: Didi, can I use your laptop?
Didi: If you say that one more time, I will throw this very laptop at you!
PERFECT timing. Now in the highest decibel with all the might in you scream and say..”MOMMMM, DADDDDDD… she just threatened to throw her laptop at me and all I did was ask her if I could use it….is life fair or what?”
Result: A highly volatile and annoyed sister and a grinning brother! GRRRRRRRRRR
An Utterance by Utterly Me at 02:54 AM 57 Comments